Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize