omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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