He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I could fuck to npr.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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