Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
