That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
