my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
