You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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