nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
