I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
