that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
