apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
