i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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