Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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