I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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