This is not my ceiling
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
