so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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