i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
