Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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