I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
