yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
