I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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