I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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