my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
