Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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