great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
