Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
