I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
