you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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