my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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