So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
