I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize