so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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