He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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