K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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