3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if only i could text you this smell
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
