if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish my penis had an off switch
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
