I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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