Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Screwed.edu
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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