i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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