just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm at about main and main street
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
