if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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