i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
