the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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