Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
