yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
