You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
farters have to be the big spoon...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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