and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize