If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
