the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
