Define "chronic" masturbator.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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