I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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