Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
