that's an acceptable place to lick
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
