Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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