someone threw a dead crab at me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
