the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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