I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
