Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
