Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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