He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
