I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
