Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
