"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
