Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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