i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
