is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
